When Relocation Gets Real: Insights From My Own Journey
It’s no exaggeration to say that almost all of our team at ONYX + ALABASTER has relocated here from out of state, including our principal designer and founder, Tanya Hembree, and me as well. This weekend, one of my closest friends packed up her family and drove 1,700 miles to Phoenix, Arizona. Watching her go brought me right back to our own move nine years ago, when we left the Central Coast of California for Franklin, Tennessee.
It was epic, it was brave, and it was unbelievably hard.
If you’re planning a big move (or you know someone who is), read on for some insights that might just make it a whole lot easier.
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Whatever your reason for moving or migrating (and these days, there are many), not every experience is the same. Many of our Interior Design clients are starting fresh here, and they can not wait to embrace all things Nashville and Tennessee. Others are most definitely feeling the strain, and our hope is that we will both alleviate stress and add a lasting sense of peace, community, and inspiration to the experience.
1. Adrenaline Will Get You There — But It Won’t Last
The run-up to our move was surreal and exhausting. While we were excited about building our new house and having a new adventure, it took months to prepare, and day-to-day life doesn’t stop when you’re migrating. You still have to parent your children, figure out what’s for dinner, and internally process all the unknowns and the necessary endings.
Adrenaline and anticipation carried me through. But once chaos calms and the dust settles, there’s a realization that ‘this isn’t a vacation’, and the reality that ‘you’re not going home’ sets in. For me, I may have cried a lot(!) but also, I was physically exhausted in a way I didn’t expect. You don’t realize how hard you’ve been going until you stop and look back.
The Takeaway? Expect exhaustion. It’s all going to be okay, but this process can take a toll. You’ve done a big thing! You’re brave and adventurous and optimistic - you’re amazing. But now, go easy on yourself and whatever you can outsource, do that. Whether it’s meals, movers, or full service interior design, know that “it's a lot”, and reset your expectations.
2. Meet the Neighbors
You know that moment when you catch your neighbor's eye while collecting the mail or taking out the trash? That’s when you do it. Immediately.
Say hi, right away.
If you leave it, it gets way more awkward. But believe me, those neighbors you meet initially can provide connection and context, and unexpected support. Don’t isolate yourself. It doesn’t mean they will be your best friends, and it doesn’t mean they will be stopping by uninvited all the time. Don’t overthink it, just do it.
My husband met a neighbor at the mailbox who invited us (total strangers!), to her son’s birthday BBQ. It felt very weird at first, but that connection turned into one of my dear friendships. Sometimes the best things come from saying “yes” when it feels awkward.
3. Make Your Home a Haven
I remember feeling like everything outside my home was ‘the great unknown’.
My home, however, was my safe place, my refuge, and a place we could make our own. Your home can tell your story in big and small ways. It can honor the past and paint pictures of the life you want to build.
Start small if you need to - work strategically. Which rooms are you in the most that you need to be functional and cozy? Occasionally we will work with clients to do just a few rooms of their home. You can take the same approach and break it down into quicker wins.
Be intentional, spend the money, personalize it, and set it up for hosting! Which leads me to number 4.
4. Don’t Wait to Be Invited
As a twenty year old transplant, I moved from the UK to California. And you know what? People invited me into their lives. They were intrigued about who I was and what I was doing. But as a forty-something with kids?
Not so much!
Adults are busy! Life is full, right? So, for us, we eventually realized that if we wanted community, we had to host. We had to make it happen. We had to do the inviting, the reaching out, the proactive grown-up stuff.
And so our season of hosting began.
My husband went to Costco and brought home a shocking amount of meat. And it turns out I’m pretty good at cleaning my house in a mad fury before everyone arrives. Was it stressful? Yes. But those nights became the foundation of friendships (and our kids got to see what it means to open your home to others). It’s amazing what an invitation of dinner and drinks can do.
5. Be a Local
This tip is extremely important if you work from home (or just crave more connection): Find a coffee shop, gym, or studio you can frequent. Just being known by name or order is grounding.
When you work out, work out in a group fitness program instead of running solo or listening to a podcast on the treadmill.
Sometimes we imagine ‘community’ is the deep life-long connections we crave, but the truth is that it’s also just being known, in any capacity. For introverts, this is harder, but it’s worth fighting for.
At the ONYX + ALABASTER coffee lounge, we have regulars that pretty much ‘open and close’ the place. They are a part of our fabric and we wouldn’t have it any other way.
6. Watch for the Six-Month Mark
A wise family-friend warned me: The six-month mark is brutal. The excitement fades, daily life has set in, but your roots haven’t sunk deep yet. This stayed with me and although our 6-month mark hit around the holidays (which softened the blow), that moment did come. But when it did, I didn’t panic. I didn’t start looking on Zillow (okay maybe I did a little), but I knew it wasn’t the time to make big decisions.
We filled the void with traditions: Opryland lights, the Downtown Franklin tree lighting ceremony, the COTC Christmas Eve Service... and those rituals still anchor us nine years later.
Hang tight! You haven’t made a mistake.
7. Hold Your Loved Ones Close
Unfortunately, when we are stressed, challenged, and grieving it's too easy to withdraw into ourselves, isolate, or take out our pain on the ones we love the most.
But it's actually the time you most need to "dig deep" and reach out to your loved ones for comfort and support. I look back on that time and how brave my children were. How confused my husband and I were as we held onto our Faith that we were not lost, and that we had not made a mistake.
I don’t think there’s any magic answer for that feeling when it comes. But if you’re reading this just know that You Matter, and on the other side of your bravery will be a future you don’t want to miss.
Final Thought
Relocating isn’t just logistics. It’s deeply emotional, and hopefully these candid reflections help you to feel prepared and not so alone.
If you’re moving to Middle Tennessee, our team at O+A has walked this road with lots of clients, and we’d love to help you create a home that not only feels like your true haven, but also a place where community and family can gather.
Getting your home ready for a move? This resource might help “A Designers Guide To Editing Your Home For A Fresh Start”.
Ready to start your own Design Journey?
Article by Contributing writer, Jessie Clark, our Marketing and Content Manager